Are you hitting a wall in successful pitching in your business?  Are you finding it more of a challenge to influence your audience when speaking?  Are you not seeing the same results from your social media marketing or briefings at work?

Finding something that used to be straightforward become a challenge doesn’t mean you give up.

Perhaps you haven’t found that one persuasive technique you need to master to achieve the outcome you want from your presentations – the client, the sale, the recognition, the positive change.

Lucky for you, I’m here to teach you all about one of the seven key persuasive techniques that will change the game for your speeches and presentations.  

Today I want to talk specifically about one of the most powerful of these techniques, but one that is rarely used among presenters – reciprocity.

Grab yourself a snack and dive on in with me, friend.

First, what is Reciprocity?

I’m guessing you’re familiar with the concept of reciprocity – giving something in order to receive something, or vice versa.

As a persuasive technique, reciprocity was identified by persuasive expert, Robert Cialdini in his influential book, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion.  First written in 1984, this book has been updated many times over the years.  It’s a classic and timeless text on the way our psychology wires us to respond to persuasive appeals.

While Cialdini outlined seven principles of persuasion, one of the most powerful, yet underused by most speakers I see, is reciprocity.

In most simple terms, we are hard-wired to give something to a person when they give something to us.  Even if we don’t want what they are offering, even if what they offer has little to no value.  Just the simple act of receiving makes us nearly automatically inclined to give.

For those of us who have been speaking and pitching in public for a while, you know this means finding ways to offer tokens to audiences to encourage them to give a bigger commitment in return – purchasing or committing to something.

You’ll see reciprocity used a lot in other types of persuasive appeals – this is why the Arbor Day Foundation sends you tiny notebooks, or address labels with their solicitation request.  This is why the March of Dimes sends you a dime.

This is why people hand out flyers outside the grocery store.

Reciprocity is why people do surveys, wait in lines, and do any number of things.

As you can see engaging this type of persuasive appeal can significantly improve the outcomes of your persuasion – whether you’re asking for decision-maker support, arguing for a course of action, pitching to a client, or any number of things.

It’s also important to know that:

• Effects of reciprocity endure over time.  Giving now will still create feelings of needing to give some time in the future.
• Requests can be imbalanced.  Even token offerings that have little value will create psychological pressure to give something more significant in exchange.
• Wanting the initial token isn’t necessary.  Even if they don’t like what you offer, the audience will be inclined to reciprocate. 

How I Started Using Reciprocity to Make Better Pitches

I’ve been speaking and coaching speakers for decades.  Given that, it might be easy to assume,  “She’s one to talk about struggling with pitching.”

A few years ago, I was just like you. Although I had literally taught dozens of people about Cialdini’s persuasive principles, I wasn’t really using them in my own experience.

And I was at the center of it.

I needed to not only negotiate on behalf of my team, but also share with them the results – and we didn’t always come out on top in the negotiation process.

I was stressed, exhausted, and felt an overwhelming responsibility to protect my people and set them up for success.

Then, I returned to my persuasive foundations, and it changed me and how I navigated this situation by:

• Recognizing the value of giving to get the outcome I wanted.  By offering one of my negotiation partners something small they wanted, I could advocate for a more meaningful and significant request in later rounds.
• Clearly communicating back to my people what I had given in exchange for our requests – allowing their evaluation of reciprocity to influence how they felt we were “doing” in the process.  Once my own people felt more confident I was representing their best interests and achieving the best result we could hope for.
• Sharing wins alongside challenges or sticking points in the negotiations for both the negotiating team and my own people.  Highlighting “wins” made everyone more likely to accept potentially less-than-ideal outcomes next.

Side Note: This may seem pretty powerful to use but it’s still hard work to get it right. The key to applying reciprocity to your unique situation is to think about whoever you are speaking to as your “audience”.  Whether they are a potential client, a potential business collaborator, your supervisor as you ask for a raise, or a room full of people, they are your audience.

5 Actionable Steps to Implement Reciprocity Today

You know how reciprocity works now, but maybe you’re struggling to see how you can make it work for you.

Try this:

• #1: Outline what you want (your BIG goal) and make a list of things you might give in advance of your ask.
• #2: Be careful with offers that are too token to be perceived as valuable, or those that have too much worth – people will be wary if it seems too good to be true.
• #3: Read Robert Cialdini’s book!  Influence has remained a central persuasive guidebook – add it to your shelf!
• #4: Contact me with your questions about how you can use persuasion more effectively in your presentations.  I’d love to discuss it more with you!
• #5: Do not be misleading with your audience – it isn’t necessary to share your call to action when you give an offer to the audience, but don’t be deceptive.  It destroys trust and your goals.

I challenge you to pick out even just one of the above steps and do it before you give your next presentation – what kind of a difference would it make?

Do you see the comment section below? Let me know which step you plan on doing first. Join the conversation and share your own successes or struggles with the community!

Wrapping it Up

People like you are precisely why I started Presenting Well.

I knew there was a need for more support for speakers, presenters, and persuaders!

From there, I launched Presenting Well Without Anxiety, which helps so many overcome their biggest presentation hurdle, overwhelming stress and overwhelm about the very idea of giving a major presentation.

If you would like to know more, click here or head over to my Facebook Group – Presenting Well Together. 

When you’re ready, I’d love to talk more about how I can support your journey towards Presenting Well.  I’m currently taking on new 1:1 public speaking coaching clients.  Reach out!

Updated by Andrea Hamilton, Feb 26, 2025.

Everyone has a voice. Use yours by Presenting Well.